Beauty is Pain...but Pain isn't always Beautiful

Pain=a distressing sensation in a particular point of the body.  And this is exactly what I felt when I underwent Zoom! Whitening treatment yesterday morning.  Laugh if you want or exclaim as my colleagues did "tooth whitening- you have got to be kidding, that wouldn't hurt." But let me assure you otherwise- it very much hurts!

But before I give you my side of the story, here is what other Zoom! whitening victims had to say about their experience: (quoted from the teeth whitening review website)

"What is a zinger? Let me tell you...put an ice pick up your tooth and slam it down with a hammer really hard"

"  I've been through 36 hour labour and two C-sections and I would say that the Zoom! procedure ranked as the second-most pain I have ever been in"

"  DO NOT DO IT!!!  NOT WORTH THE PAIN!!!!"


"  Constant throbbing, severe stabbing and shooting pains to your nerves so bad that I couldn't talk, eat, or do anything but lay down."


Albeit that the childbirth quote might be a little over-dramatic, I would have to agree with the other victims! (And yes I mean victims because you sit through a lifetime of agony, pay $400 and see minimal results!) So my appointment was Friday morning (yesterday) at 8 a.m. which I thought would be a great time as I would too tired to feel the pain (wrong!) I told the Zoom! whitener technician (is that her title?) that I was nervous about the procedure as I had read some frightening reviews which compared Zoom! to being stabbed in the leg or passing a kidney stone! Her response was "Really? No this is the easy stuff- I'm so sorry that you read that, it won't hurt at all!" So my fears dispelled, I sat in the chair and prepared for the 1 hour prep time (and no they didn't tell me about this part either!) She used this rubber dam like tool to prop my mouth open and stuffed cotton up my gums.  Then she slowly applied a gel like substance to my teeth and gums.  I was already uncomfortable as I could barely swallow with everything blocking my mouth so saliva was building up and I may have been drooling profusely.

After the hour long prep time she informed me that I would undergo four 15 minute sessions of the whitening.  She also explained that I could stop after any session if my teeth were too 'sensitive' (not if my teeth felt like they are being sledgehammered out of my skull!) The first session began and she didn't bring me the sunglasses until partly through so I was momentarily blinded by the harsh green lamp. The first two sessions were fine-more uncomfortable than anything and I began thinking that perhaps the reviews were all fictitious.  That is until the third session began...

I experienced my first zinger about 1/3 through my third session and I literally gripped onto the chair so hard I thought I might hurt my hand.  The technician wasn't even in the room so I briefly thought about sliding under the chair away from the torturous light.  The pain of these zingers was so bad that the only thing that gt me through was the thought that this was costing me $400.  She finally came in at the end of the third session and asked me how it went.  I managed to make some guttural moaning noises (through all the cotton and plastic in my mouth) and I frantically shook my head from side to side and gave the thumbs down signal in case she was still unsure.  Instead of apologizing profusely for what I had just endured, she cheerily stated "Good for you, this is about as far as most people can get." As much as I didn't want to return, I was paying $400 so I asked her when I should return for my fourth and last 15 minute session but she explained that it is a one-time procedure. (In other words, because I was too wimpy to finish it, I am still penalized with the obscene price tag.) She compared my whitened teeth with the before image and excitingly informed me that I have achieved 4 shades brighter-whoopee I couldn't have cared less at this point!

I was in too much pain to argue so I paid and solemnly commenced my drive to work wincing in pain the entire journey.  I got to work and the pain was a constant throbbing (bearable) with intermittent zingers (unbearable).  I took pain killers and tryed to busy myself with work but considering I was supposed to be writing minutes,  not much solace was reached.  I met my friend for lunch and she thought that the transformation was inspiring and would love to get it done herself (ignoring my screeches of horror).  The work day finally ended and the pain was subsiding slightly...that is until I got home.  My Friday evening consisted of me writhing in pain on the couch watching Criminal Minds through pain slitted eyes.  And the zingers continued until I went to bed at midnight and I woke up a few times throughout the night wondering why any intelligent life form would put themselves though this.

A day later the pain is gone but my resentment for the Zoom! creators is not, neither is my poorly withering bank account (and I forgot to mention that when I tried to pay for the procedure with my Credit Card, I was decline so I had to use my paycheque!)  All in all I am still not pleased with the colour of my teeth- they are still stained but I will tell you something-if my teeth were to take on the colour of swamp water I would still not endure the Zoom! procedure! Nevertheless I have included some before and after pictures (which my boyfriend pointed out- look like Criminal Mind evidence-yes okay I was baring my teeth ever so slightly!)\

Before

After

Maybe now I can wear more red lipstick!